Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Heavy Heart

So, ever since the incident I wrote about a few weeks ago, a blog post on which I got a few wonderful comments, I've been waffling on my options.  I could sell Trigger and start my horse search over.  Sell Trigger and spend some time getting lessons, losing weight, saving money, etc., or I could keep Trigger, get lessons for me, possibly a little training for him, and get him away from psycho scary barn.

Every single one of those options has been the top option.  Multiple times.  There are pros and cons to each.  There is, unfortunately, no GOOD outcome here.  If I keep him, it will cost me quite a bit to do the training and such, and even if/when I do regain the confidence, I'm still heavier than I should be, for him, especially.  Plus in the meantime, he has to just sit.  If I sell him, obviously I lose HIM, and that sucks.  If I jump back into horsehunting, who knows how long it will take.  If I skip out on it for a while, then I don't get to own a horse, but save a bit of money.  But how long will it take me to get back into it?

I had a heart-to-heart with four horsie friends, and they unanimously advise that I sell him.  My eyes tear up at the very thought, but it is probably the best overall option for Trigger and for me.  So I e-mailed the woman I bought him from, since we had a right of first refusal clause in the contract.  But between the distance, her summer plans, and the fact that she would just ultimately re-sell him herself, she advised me to just sell him.

So while I have a second chance to re-think my options, I probably will ultimately sell him.  I need to decide an asking price, bathe him and take some good confo shots (I have PLENTY of photos, but none specifically geared toward advertising), and write up an ad.  If I make it through that process with peace in my heart, I guess I'll know it's the right choice.  If I can't bear it, I guess I'll know that it's not the right choice.  I don't know.  I'm usually pretty logical in my decision-making, but there's no spreadsheet or mathematical equation that will help me figure this out, so maybe pure emotion will help me decide.

In other news about Trigger himself, and not just me deciding his near-term fate, I wormed him the other day, and he got antsy as soon as he saw the syringe, but ultimately it went well.  I haven't spent much time with him, though, because I'm afraid it'll confuse my decision-making or something.  I don't know.  I went out there tonight with the intention of lunging him and maybe doing a little of the clicker-training games with him, but they were JUST feeding (at 7:00 p.m.), so I didn't want to pull him away from his food.  So I replenished his feed baggies and went and petted him a while (and "admired" the fugly horses next to him, but at least he has neighbors).

In the meantime, there's an endurance ride this weekend, and I have a whole heap of friends riding in it, so I'll have plenty of photo opportunities.  Stay tuned for a cheerier post next week.


  1. Ah, Shawna, I'm sorry. I've been waiting for this post and wondering how you're doing. From an outside standpoint like mine, it's easy to say "sell him," but my heart aches for you. I've been in your position, and it SUCKED.

    It took me a long time to rehome my horses. I kept them because I loved them -- not because it was best for them or me. They ate their heads off in the pasture for years, because I made bad choices early, got hurt and got SCARED.

    I don't believe this is the end of your horse dream -- truly. Sell Trigger, and then take lessons, focus on your diet, and save your money. I'm willing to bet that by next spring, not even a year from now, you'll be ready to start looking.

    Heck, we can do it together. :-) I got some unexpected overtime that will give me cash I didn't expect to have, which just *might* mean I can move my own horse plans up to next spring. But I have a lot of work to do in the meantime to get ready.

    This hurts and it sucks, and I'm sending you tons of virtual hugs from Washington state. It's probably right for the long-term, but that short-term is no fun at all.

  2. Thank you so much for your kind thoughts. I really appreciate it!

  3. When you're ready to start looking again, I'm there for you!! And in the meantime, when you need a listening ear or a shoulder to cry on (over sushi, of course) I'm there for you too. We'll get through it :)

  4. Sushi? See, I knew endurance was the right world for me.

  5. I don't know anything about you and Trigger beyond what you've written on your blog, but from what I've read, you're making the right decision. It's not an easy decision, but I think it will be the right decision for you.

    I actually spent years holding onto a horse that was WAY too much horse for me - I loved him fiercely, but every time I was in the saddle I could feel my heart in my throat. I actually didn't end up getting hurt on him... but it was by the grace of God. If I could go back in time, I would do everything I could to convince myself to find him a new home, years earlier, no matter how much it hurts. I used to dread riding because of the fear, and that alone should have told me what the right decision is. Life is too short to waste healthy riding years on a horse that isn't fun for you to ride (there are plenty of young teenagers out there in the world who don't mind a "fun" ride.)

    Still, what a hard decision. It's obvious you love Trigger.... You have all of my sympathy :( I hope it's as painless as possible for you.

  6. Hi Shawna, I saw your post on the AERC group on FB on Trigger. He is a beautiful horse. If I were looking for another horse, I would definitely be looking further into his possibilities. The reason I am writing is because I want to encourage you in your riding endeavor - you can do it and you will get there - my motto has always been "where there is a will, there is a way." I know, easier said than done, but you have to feel it... and it will happen for you. Keep looking. In fact, I will keep my eyes/ears open for you. You can't go wrong with lessons - everyone could benefit from lessons. Riding and training horses is an always continuing path of learning. I also wanted to pass on a great informative site for beginning endurance riders as well as others simply seeking more informative information to add/consider to their program. Good luck to you and I will keep you in mind regarding a safe horse. Autumn